My dad passed away about 4.5 years ago from lung cancer, it was very sudden, we had only found out 4 months before that he had cancer. It was very hard on all of us.
At the time I was still living at home. Shortly after, I met Chad, and we moved in together... it had been a little over a year since my dad died. This left my mom alone in the house. She was very sad and lonely at times... but we were very close. Talked every day saw each other every week and always did things together.
Then November of 06 she met a guy... he was ok... kinda jerky but "fun" for her. He was the first guy she starting dating since my dad had passed. I was happy that she found someone to spend her time with but not prepared for what was about to happen. Within 3 weeks he was living in her house with her and within 4 months they had gone to to JP and married. ~A little fast dont-cha think?~
As soon as she met him she stopped talking to me as much and stopped spending time with me... which I understood at first... a new relationship... everyone kinda does that right? Well... its been almost 2 years now and I still never see my mom. She has done a COMPLETE 180 in the way she used to be. She is no longer ~my~ mom. He treats her like crap... he makes NO money and pays NONE of the bills... he just lives in her PAID OFF house rent/utility free... since being married they have bought a boat, 4-wheeler, him a new truck, and an RV ALL under HER credit and she pays ALL the bills. Can you say taking advantage of? But hey... he is ~fun~ to be around... yeah if you call fun being drunk all the time.
So if this wasn't bad enough... when we started TTC July of last year my mom made it clear that she wasn't ready to be a grandma again... she already has 6 grandchildren and of course does not have time to spend with them anymore because she wont leave her husbands side. The first few months when I didn't get pregnant she actually said "good". I was like WOW thanks mom.
Now that I am pregnant, she has pretty much wanted nothing to do with my pregnancy. Sure we talk about it every once in a while, but she just doesn't have "time" for me anymore... she is too busy with her husband. She only wants to be part of it when it is convienent for HER... like with our big u/s... she wanted to come because we were going to find out the gender... but she hasn't cared about any of my other appointments or anything... she just wanted to be there for the "exciting" one. I told her no.
Then when I told her it was a boy she says "Oh, I was hoping it was a girl". TOO BAD.
So we were at her house yesterday for my nephews birthday and she mentions that she has two coupons for BRU for 15% off. She says maybe we can go tomorrow cause they are about to expire. I was like WOW she actually wants to do something with me?? I was all excited... so today I call her and she tells me that her husband is getting off early today so she wants to be home when he gets off. WHAT?? So pretty much the only reason she was going to go was because he was working and now that he isn't she has to be home for him... GIMME A FREAKING BREAK!!!
UGH... I am just SO through with her. I have tried to be civil through all of this and I have ~tried~ to keep her included in my pregnancy some... but not anymore. I just keep getting hurt over and over by her and I don't know what else to do. I try to talk to her about it but she just blows it off like it is nothing. She just doesn't see how much she has changed. She was never a drinker before and now that is all she ever wants to do cause thats what HE does.
I really miss ~my~ mom and wish I could get her back. Unfortunately it doesn't look like that is going to happen... I feel sorry for my son who will never really know his MeeMaw because she doesn't have time for him. It's hard enough knowing my dad will never meet him but now that my mom will not be a very big part of his life either really kills me.
Oh and she wants my child to call her husband grandpa... HA... over my dead body.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Kicks ~ Oh My!~
So Thursday night I felt LO moving around some so I thought maybe I could get Chad to be able to feel him... usually he is really gun shy and as soon as I, or anyone else for that matter, touch my belly, he stops moving.
So Chad put his hand on my tummy and of course lil Cody stopped moving... but this time I made DH keep his hand there... so his hand is on my belly for about 2-3 minutes... and all the sudden Cody starts kicking up a storm!!! I mean KICKING HARD. I could hardly believe it... it was like he was saying "OK GET OFF ME NOW!!".
Chad still couldn't really feel anything (I have an anterior placenta) but he "thought" he may have felt something. So he decides he wants to switch hands... I tell him don't do that or he will stop kicking... well he switches hands anyways.... and sure enough, the kicking stopped just as fast as it started.
It was just really amazing to be able to feel him kick like that, I felt it probably 20-30 times in the few minutes that his hand was actually on my stomach. Now we just have to get him to stop being so shy and start showing off his kicking abilities to everyone.
So Chad put his hand on my tummy and of course lil Cody stopped moving... but this time I made DH keep his hand there... so his hand is on my belly for about 2-3 minutes... and all the sudden Cody starts kicking up a storm!!! I mean KICKING HARD. I could hardly believe it... it was like he was saying "OK GET OFF ME NOW!!".
Chad still couldn't really feel anything (I have an anterior placenta) but he "thought" he may have felt something. So he decides he wants to switch hands... I tell him don't do that or he will stop kicking... well he switches hands anyways.... and sure enough, the kicking stopped just as fast as it started.
It was just really amazing to be able to feel him kick like that, I felt it probably 20-30 times in the few minutes that his hand was actually on my stomach. Now we just have to get him to stop being so shy and start showing off his kicking abilities to everyone.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
It's A
Big Healthy Baby BOY!!! I am soooooooo excited!!! His name will be Cody Lee. He was measuring 12 inches crown to heel which is long for a baby at this gestation and he is already a whopping 10 oz!! Here are some pics!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Big Milestone :)
So I have been feeling "popcorn" feelings for about 4 weeks now, but nothing I could say for sure was the baby. You know at the time its like... oh that has to be the baby... but then after you question yourself that maybe it was just you WANTING it to be the baby. It has also only been every few days or so.
Well today I felt my first definite '"poke". Sitting here at in bed with the laptop and I feel a "poke poke" in my tummy... I was like no way. So I put my hand there and felt 3 or 4 more pokes. It was awesome and something I have been waiting for! Lets see if it starts happening more often!
Only 12 more days until our "big" ultrasound... :)
Well today I felt my first definite '"poke". Sitting here at in bed with the laptop and I feel a "poke poke" in my tummy... I was like no way. So I put my hand there and felt 3 or 4 more pokes. It was awesome and something I have been waiting for! Lets see if it starts happening more often!
Only 12 more days until our "big" ultrasound... :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Daycare Vent
So Im starting to look into daycares as I know many in the area have waiting lists. Well, much to my surprise, they are about $60 more a week than they were 1.5 years ago when I working in daycare.... WTH! Sure, I can find one for about what I was expecting... but I will be sacrificing quality... ie. it will be a babysitter not a pre-school.
Well thats $240 more a month which yeah... isn't a lot, but it starts getting to the point to where it is almost pointless to work. I mean between that and gas (I commute 50 miles a day) it would be $300 a week which leaves me bringing home about $150 a week... see what I mean about almost pointless?
But that is on my current income, I am expecting a raise in about a month and another raise next April. But still, it sucks! I don't want my child in a sub-par daycare.
The daycare that my sister uses is one of the "cheaper" daycares. She has very high standards and says she has never had a problem with them, but from all the reviews I read, they are a babysitter and not a pre-school. I really want there to be a POINT in my child going there. But then again, as an infant, what would the difference really be?
So we have a decision to make, put the baby in a "babysitter" environment while it is an infant then changing to a pre-school when it gets a little older, start paying the extra now and put it in the nicer daycare now, or me stay home until the baby is out of the "infant" stage and rates are a little lower.
Oh this is giving me a head ache.
Well thats $240 more a month which yeah... isn't a lot, but it starts getting to the point to where it is almost pointless to work. I mean between that and gas (I commute 50 miles a day) it would be $300 a week which leaves me bringing home about $150 a week... see what I mean about almost pointless?
But that is on my current income, I am expecting a raise in about a month and another raise next April. But still, it sucks! I don't want my child in a sub-par daycare.
The daycare that my sister uses is one of the "cheaper" daycares. She has very high standards and says she has never had a problem with them, but from all the reviews I read, they are a babysitter and not a pre-school. I really want there to be a POINT in my child going there. But then again, as an infant, what would the difference really be?
So we have a decision to make, put the baby in a "babysitter" environment while it is an infant then changing to a pre-school when it gets a little older, start paying the extra now and put it in the nicer daycare now, or me stay home until the baby is out of the "infant" stage and rates are a little lower.
Oh this is giving me a head ache.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Stuck in the Cycle...
So I just read some posts by Nancy about people receiving assistance from the government and it prompted me to want to tell the story of my sister.
First I will start by saying she had 4 kids (none planned) by the time she was 23 (which is the age I am now). She was with a good for nothing guy and they were all into drugs. She pretty much made ALL the wrong choices and to make a long story short ended up married to the dude with 4 kids and no job. She was on absolutely every type of assistance that you can think of... free daycare (even though she did not work), foodstamps, WIC, and assisted housing. As Nancy suggested, once you get stuck in the government assistance circle it is hard to get out. She went on with this for a couple years, receiving all the assistance that she could and having no problem with it. She did not get a job because then she would lose all her assistance and end up worse off than with assistance. Keep in mind a lot of this time she was just plain selfish and at one point probably did not deserve her kids. I wouldn't go as far to say she was neglecting them but she just didn't care like she should have.
Then its almost like a lightbulb went off in her head and she realized how she was not only holding herself down, but holding her children down. She divorced the dude and got a job. When she got the job ALL of her assistance was taken away from her besides help with daycare. She was just as worse off if not more worse than when she was on the assistance but that was OK with her. Slowly but surely she has started to make more money and be able to provide for her and her children much better.
She still receives assistance for daycare, but as you can imagine daycare for 4 children is not the cheapest. She is living almost completely on her own income and is so much happier and is living a much better quality of life. Yes, she receives some government assistance and just got cable TV. Some may say... if she can afford cable then she should be able to pay for all her own daycare. Most of the time I would agree... but I feel like my sister deserves this "luxury" of cable TV for all that she has been through and how far she has come.
I just wanted to tell the story of someone who successfully made it out of the horrible cycle of receiving government assistance and say, even though it may be hard at first losing all assistance, it is worth it in the long run to actually feel like you have accomplished something and that you are providing for your children rather than the rest of the country doing it for you. At first she thought "Wow, so easy to keep receiving assistance... why would I stop?" but after getting out of it, she is living such a better quality of life.
I am VERY proud of my sister and how far she has come.
First I will start by saying she had 4 kids (none planned) by the time she was 23 (which is the age I am now). She was with a good for nothing guy and they were all into drugs. She pretty much made ALL the wrong choices and to make a long story short ended up married to the dude with 4 kids and no job. She was on absolutely every type of assistance that you can think of... free daycare (even though she did not work), foodstamps, WIC, and assisted housing. As Nancy suggested, once you get stuck in the government assistance circle it is hard to get out. She went on with this for a couple years, receiving all the assistance that she could and having no problem with it. She did not get a job because then she would lose all her assistance and end up worse off than with assistance. Keep in mind a lot of this time she was just plain selfish and at one point probably did not deserve her kids. I wouldn't go as far to say she was neglecting them but she just didn't care like she should have.
Then its almost like a lightbulb went off in her head and she realized how she was not only holding herself down, but holding her children down. She divorced the dude and got a job. When she got the job ALL of her assistance was taken away from her besides help with daycare. She was just as worse off if not more worse than when she was on the assistance but that was OK with her. Slowly but surely she has started to make more money and be able to provide for her and her children much better.
She still receives assistance for daycare, but as you can imagine daycare for 4 children is not the cheapest. She is living almost completely on her own income and is so much happier and is living a much better quality of life. Yes, she receives some government assistance and just got cable TV. Some may say... if she can afford cable then she should be able to pay for all her own daycare. Most of the time I would agree... but I feel like my sister deserves this "luxury" of cable TV for all that she has been through and how far she has come.
I just wanted to tell the story of someone who successfully made it out of the horrible cycle of receiving government assistance and say, even though it may be hard at first losing all assistance, it is worth it in the long run to actually feel like you have accomplished something and that you are providing for your children rather than the rest of the country doing it for you. At first she thought "Wow, so easy to keep receiving assistance... why would I stop?" but after getting out of it, she is living such a better quality of life.
I am VERY proud of my sister and how far she has come.
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